How to Change Anybody (Part 1)

Can people ever truly change? I think so.

I just started listening to the audio book version of How to Change Anybody by one David J Lieberman. I almost finished the first of three CDs before the sound card in my laptop apparently reached the culmination of its lifetime of destitute servitude, slaving away inside this ugly plastic case that Dell has been kind enough to provide for the world.

Lieberman starts off with the statement that anyone can change their beliefs. He breaks someone's character down into beliefs and values. Our beliefs are used to justify our past and to rationalize our current behavior. Values can be broken down into mean values and end values, with the mean values being those that eventually lead to the end values. So if someone's end value is happiness, their mean value might be money, it might be power, but as long as it can be identified, it can be changed. All one needs to do is reshape the belief that connects these two values together. This can happen naturally when someone makes a lot of money and realizes that this alone, has not lead to the predicted end value of happiness or respect. He doesn't elaborate on this too much, but instead goes right into the situation specific tactics for changing someone's behavior.

The first area he tackles is morals. If someone lacks a strong moral compass, it can severely hinder progress and development in life. The more insightful of these tactics was the image consistency and raising the bar strategies. Image consistency refers to the situation of someone attributing positive qualities to us, which we then try and maintain in their eyes for as long as possible. He uses the example of a man who gets praised mightily by a distant relative who has come to visit, even if he never raises a finger to help his close family. This effect seems to be magnified the shorter the relationship has lasted. When I heard that, my mind did one of those gears clicking into place things where I felt like I had seen some very concrete examples of that in my own life.

(quick metaphysical digression, I am also reading Alan Watts' The Supreme Identity, wherein he writes that, “...just as one cannot reach the sky by climbing, so the metaphysical infinity is not attainable through degrees of analogical knowledge. This is why it is always more exact to say that intellectual knowledge is realized rather than attained, because the word 'realization' implies the discovery of something already present or given. The sky appears to be above us, but we are in fact living in its midst (emphasis mine).”)

The raising the bar strategy refers to the act of praising someone lavishly instead of chastising them when they do something wrong. Only after you have given sufficient praise should you then inform them that the behavior that they were using is unacceptable, that way you are criticizing the behavior and not the person. This seems very legitimate considering how poorly most people take even the lightest criticism.

Lieberman also tackles the issue of loyalty and how to inspire it in your coworkers, friends, and customers. He first advises that if you have someone who shows disdain or negativity, that you bring him or her to you side by entrusting them with a small, but singular responsibility and provide them with a measure of power. Once you raise someone else up to be a compatriot instead of a servant, they will start to fight your battles for you.

His most powerful advice in this section on loyalty basically advises that loyalty will come if people believe they are a part of greatness. This gets achieved by letting out the greatness in your heart and demonstrating that you are willing to do what is right even if there is an easier path available. He used the example of a CEO coming down and picking up trash off the workroom floor inspiring the workers to do the same and even more. Another example he used was if you are playing a card game and someone gets accused of cheating against you, if you defend them instead of only arguing for your side, people will see that you are taking a position that is unfavorable to you and this will command much more trust and loyalty.

This is getting pretty long so I think I will make this Part 1 of this review/synopsis. Join me next time!